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Knowing how to say goodbye, sometimes, becomes one of the most difficult challenges we have to face. In this case it is not a "see you later", but a "goodbye" that to some extent could amount to a "see you later". A great discussion with a friend, a breakup, having to change places of residence or the death of a family member, are situations in which we must be prepared to know how to say goodbye.
In a society where change is the order of the day, we have less and less time to properly process certain information. We receive hundreds of stimuli daily. Work, home, studies, bills ... each with their concerns and occupations. Definitely, we live in an accelerated world where introspection is increasingly absent. That is why it is so important to stop at certain times and become aware of our lives.
Knowing how to say goodbye: become aware of reality
Knowing how to say goodbye, on many occasions, is an awareness of reality. Some people, out of fear, attachment, dependency or denial, still cling to expectations that no longer generate any benefit. That is why it is so important to know how to say goodbye in a psychological and emotional way as an internal, authentic and genuine process. Awareness of a goodbye is not just knowing that something has happened, but to internalize it and that, to some extent, stop affecting us in our day to day.
Goodbye to a relative
When a family member dies, it is a goodbye at the final physical level. We know that we will not see him again, however, he will be in our memories. Every death involves a duel, so it is necessary to go through it and take our time. The setback arises when we continue to cling to the denial or the "why." Although it may sound a little cold, from psychology the person or people are invited to try to avoid ruminant thoughtss.
What are these thoughts? For example: "Why him?", "If we had been more aware", "if this had been otherwise" ... These kinds of ruminant thoughts are very normal. We question everything that has happened and try, a posteriori, to detail everything that could have prevented death. Nevertheless, this type of thoughts all he gets is that we become obsessed and deny an irreversible fact.
The fundamental thing is not to extend this type of thoughts in time and enter the acceptance process. For many questions we ask ourselves, the situation will not change. Yes it is true that we may want to know the causes, the reason and other issues. Nevertheless, the important thing is not to delay ruminant thoughts in time. But what is acceptance really? At the end of the article we will enter this process.
Goodbye to a relationship
How many couples are still monotony? And by dependence and attachment? How many couples instead of adding are subtracted from each other? When in a relationship, day to day is usually conflict, passotism or any other negative aspect, it may be time to rethink things. The idea of the blue prince and that romantic love is forever, is an expired idea. The duration of a couple is undetermined, just as they can last a few months, it can last all once.
The key is that during the relationship, the contributions of both are positive, there is respect and a good coexistence. When this is not the case, it lengthens over time and our mood and psychological state goes downhill ... something is happening. Observing yourself in maintaining a relationship can be counterproductive.Therefore, it is also important to know how to say goodbye if circumstances indicate this.
Letting go of a person with whom there is no rapport, at the beginning it can be painful, but in the long run we will observe that we are again. It is important to know that if we care about our personal growth, having a person next to us who only dedicates himself to subtracting or who is an "emotional vampire" will not help us at all. Therefore, knowing how to say goodbye can be such an important step towards our inner growth.
Goodbye to a friendship
This is a more complex case. Who today is our "enemy" tomorrow can be our "friend" and vice versa, so you can not speak from absolute terms. From the Buddhist psychology they affirm exactly the same. Life is full of unexpected turns and, above all, it also depends on our attitude. However, at specific times, we can have a great and strong discussion with whom we considered our friend.
A feeling of betrayal, or ingratitude, or simply indifference can invade us. Dialogue is usually the most successful path, but neither can we force a friendship that we feel is fading. On the other hand, it is not about forcing us to be friends or enemies. While it is true, that when a friend instead of giving us, also begins to subtract, perhaps it is time to think about saying goodbye. Although in this case it could be a temporary goodbye.
Trying to seek calm, sanity and cordiality from anger, resentment and anger is not a good idea. So stay away for a while, calm down and let cool that hurt us so much can be the best step to take. With time and our attitude (and that of our friend), we will know if it is a temporary or definitive goodbye. Despite this, we have all witnessed friendships that have gradually faded over time. Who else or who less we have been surprised with a very typical expression: "with how well he took me with my friend and for years that I know nothing about him".
Goodbye to a place
Many families, couples or solo people have been forced to leave their country in search of job opportunities. For some it is a challenge and a motivation. For others it is a complicated experience. Saying goodbye to family and friends is not easy for a lot of peopleHowever, they know that, at least, for a while it is necessary to change airs to have a job.
This experience, although in principle it can be difficult for many, can be seen in a much more positive way: an opportunity for growth. Learning can be obtained from each experience, so if we see it from the point of view of internal development, we can propose it as a personal challenge. Without a doubt, if we face it this way, the experience away from home can be a very important interior development.
"When you start your trip to Ithaca, ask that your road be long, full of adventures, full of experiences."
-Kavafis, fragment of the poem "'Itaca" -
Knowing how to say goodbye, acceptance and personal growth
Certain goodbyes are expensive. However, we must not let ourselves be carried away by sadness, anger, anger or grief. Knowing how to say goodbye as a psychological process prepares us to face a new stage of our life with more force and with more wisdom. Farewells prepare us for future separations. We stick to people, situations, ideas, expectations. We think, somehow, that everything will be there forever.
"When you face the inner energies that scare you, overwhelm and block it is important that you do not identify with them, but that you remain present with an observant and impartial mind."
This idea of permanence is what causes us pain. We know we will lose family members, but we just did not believe it. We refuse to end a relationship. We impede our development in another country by attachment to our city. That is why it is so important to be aware that everything is constantly changing. That something is in a concrete way today does not mean that tomorrow is the same.
Acceptance of the concept of impermanence helps us cope much better with goodbyes. If we accept that life is constantly changing, psychologically we will be much more resistant to adversity. You do not want us to love a relative less if you die, but we can learn to better take your loss. Without a doubt, knowing how to say goodbye is a more important growth process than it seems.